Warp Section

So, guess what opens next week? Possibly one of the most anticipated geek films of the summer. Heck, maybe the ONLY geek film of the summer that isn’t a sequel. But I confess freely: I have no faith in Michael Bay’s directing. None. Nada. Zero. I walked out of The Island declaring I would never see another Michael Bay film as long as I lived. Then this happens, and I have to eat my words. So yes, I’ll go see Transformers. And here’s what I’m expecting:

1. The characters will be idiots. (That’s kind of a given.)
2. The CGI won’t look right. (The scale will change, the green screening will be off, something.)
3. Plot holes so big you could drive a Mack truck. . .oh, wait, that’s kind of funny. Let me rephrase. Plot holes so big someone WILL drive a Mack truck through them. Or the truck will drive itself.
4. At least one scene of manipulative sentimentality involving a small child.
5. Romance shoe-horned into an explosion-filled action story for no good reason.
6. At least one long action sequence lifted wholesale from one of the Star Wars movies. If we’re lucky, it’ll be something like the one where Luke single-handedly blows up an AT-AT. If we’re not, it’ll be the one where Padme has to dodge the widget-making machinery on that planet I can’t remember the name of.
7. One of the beloved characters from the cartoon will be horrifically “re-imagined.” My vote goes to Bumblebee or Starscream. (Ooh, ooh, ooh, I got it. Bumblebee will have to be one of the new VW Beetles, and in a blatant case of product placement he’ll have to be in one of those funky designer colors they’re so fond of.)

I’m clinging to one shred of coolness: Hugo Weaving is the voice of Megatron. So there’s hope. I’m just not holding my breath.

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…but here’s my review of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I’ve been looking forward to this one, and not just because of the amazing previews featuring the spot-on Silver Surfer effects. I really liked the first Fantastic Four movie. It was fun, and didn’t get wrapped up in superhero angst that seems to be the norm these days. (Hey — superheroes who aren’t dysfunctional and tortured? OMG!) I loved the interaction between the four teammates. I really believed they’d known each other for years, they knew how to wind each other up, but they pulled together in a crisis and really worked together as a team — they used their powers in concert as a team. The X-Men films only marginally accomplished that. (Don’t get me wrong — I love the first two X-Men films, but they depended on angst and individuality more than teamwork.)

The new film had everything I liked about the first one, so good show there. And it also managed to do justice to one of the classic storylines in all of comicdom. Here’s the thing: I watch something like Ghost Rider, and I’m not convinced the filmmakers have ever picked up a comic book in their lives, much less the one they’re trying to adapt. With the Fantastic Four, I felt like the filmmakers were living and breathing the source material, that they must have had issues of the comic piled around their offices and studios, not just to get the characters’ poses right, but to get the feel, the colors, the mood, the spirit of the thing right.

They get it. A superhero movie should be more than guys in spandex (or leather) kicking butt. It’s about people confronting the extraordinary. It’s about looking up in the sky and thinking, Wow. The superpowers don’t make someone a hero. It’s what they use their powers for.

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Well, I hashed it out with my host, eMaxhosting, and it seems like they have lost basically a month of data from ALL the sites I host with them. I am not impressed. They said they could restore the information if I had a backup, but I thought they did weekly backups, and none of the sites I have would be crippled by losing a week. A month is a different story though, and I hope that everyone will support me in helping rebuild Warp Section.

So if you know of any archive, cache or anything of content we had up in May, please contact me at david.phoenix@gmail.com with the information, and I will credit you, and your site with the find.

Thanks again to everyone for all their support.

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Networks are announcing their new fall TV seasons, meaning we get to find out which shows are staying, which are cancelled, and what’s new in the pipeline.

Heroes: Renewed. Duh.
Medium: Renewed. Yay!
Jericho: Done, it’s outta here. Oh wait, no it’s not. It’s sort of half canceled. Enjoy your last seven episodes, guys. The word from CBS: you can stop sending them nuts, now. Please.

Lost: Still here.
Dresden Files: still waiting to hear.
Doctor Who: on Sci Fi starting in July.
Supernatural: Renewed!
Smallville: Renewed!
Battlestar Galactica: Gets one more season. And as a fan, I’m actually okay with that. I’d rather see a show like this go out on top than suffer an X-Files style death spiral.

Stargate SG-1: Ending a 10-year run. Stick a fork in this one.
Stargate Atlantis: Renewed!
The 4400: Renewed!
Torchwood: Looks like it’ll be back.

New:
A remake of the Bionic Woman.
Flash Gordon miniseries
The Sarah Conner Chronicles
Various shows with SF and fantastic elements trying to cash in on the success of all the above shows

Stay Tuned…

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I have to share this. My most recent trip to the movies gave me an unexpected jolt of absurdity: the posters are up for I Am Legend, Will Smith’s new action adventure spree, due out this December. I also caught the trailer. Mostly scenes of a desolate New York City and Will Smith walking with a cute German Shepherd.

I like Will Smith. He obviously has a penchant for science fiction that many actors of his status don’t (I, Robot, Independence Day, Men In Black). But I find myself wondering…why this one? See, it’s already been done, first with Vincent Price in The Last Man on Earth, and again with Charlton Heston, in The Omega Man. The story’s based on the book I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. (My copy, that I picked up at a used bookstore, is actually The Omega Man tie-in edition.)

I’ll confess: I haven’t seen The Last Man on Earth or The Omega Man yet, though I might, just to compare. I have read the book (there’s a switch). And I have a feeling these versions are not very much alike. I also have a feeling Smith’s I Am Legend won’t be much like either of them.

What can I say about the book? It’s supposed to be about vampires, and is considered one of the classic vampires novels, but structurally it looks more like a zombie story — hordes of transformed humans hunt down the living for the purpose of consuming them. But they’re vampires, vulnerable to stakes and sunlight. The book’s important and has stayed important, first because it offers a scientific explanation for vampirism, and because it’s wrapped up in the psychology of the protagonist, Robert Neville, who is trying to survive as the last uninfected human, and is slowly going mad. (I personally found it a bit dated. Published in 1954, it seemed like some of the horror was supposed to come from imagining that the main characters are June and Ward Cleaver.)

Will Smith’s version will probably have more things blowing up than the book did.

I can’t say that I’m looking forward to this the way I’m looking forward to The Golden Compass. I’ll have my academic analysis hat on rather than my squeeing fangirl hat. Either way, it looks like we have another big holiday movie season in the making.

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As you might have noticed, the site’s been experiencing some technical difficulties. I’ve been trying to get in touch with David, who runs the infrastructure, to find out why after a week of being down we lost, you know. 6 weeks worth of posts… Until I hear from him, I’m going to hold off on anything new until I’m sure it’s not going to get ate.

Thanks for your patience.

Editor Note: That looks like it was my fault. I have been so busy moving from an apartment to my first house, as well as finalizing some wedding preparations, that I didn’t even notice that all the great readers had killed the site. Ooops… I will get everything going 100% over the next few days, including some new material, and some more fun things here and there.

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