Warp Section

Through middle school in the mid 80s I had a deeply cherished ritual. After a long day at school, I’d come home, plant myself in front of the TV, and watch Transformers and G.I. Joe. I never missed it if I could help it, and I can’t even explain it, except that they fired my imagination (the first long piece of fiction I wrote was G.I. Joe fanfic). They helped me forget about the mind-numbing institutional hell of school so I could get on with the rest of my life. The phrases “More than meets the eye” and “Knowing is half the battle” are emblazoned on my brain.

So you see, I really wanted to love the Transformers movie. I’m the target audience.

Now, there’s a lot I could say about it. But I won’t. Because there’s one thing about it that trumps everything else and makes the whole thing great.

It’s actually G.I. Joe vs. The Transformers. I’m convinced the captain and sergeant are really Flint and Roadblock.

And now I really, really want a live action G.I. Joe movie. IMDB offers this tantalizing tidbit.

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I was digging through some DVDs a friend had given me looking for something to watch this weekend, and what should I find but The Last Man on Earth, the first movie version of Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend, starring Vincent Price. I thought I’d report on it.

I loved this movie. It runs surprisingly close to the book (it did manage to condense the entire last half of the novel into about 15 minutes). It may not be as sophisticated as we’re used to in a modern, action-packed, special-effects laden movie world. But the images it creates are damn scary. That whole desolate city, completely abandoned, that shocked me in 28 Days Later? Nothing new there. Last Man had it down pat. I think my favorite bit is the first night we spend with Robert, played by a young and wonderfully grim Vincent Price. He pours himself a tumbler of scotch, puts on a jazz record, and sits on the sofa, listening to the vampires pound on his house, trying to get in, calling “Come out, Robert!” The scariest thing about this scene? How bored he looks — because he’s been doing this every night for three years.

The story also has a cool Twilight Zone ending that the movie makes especially poignant. (Matheson was a writer for Twilight Zone, responsible for some of its most memorable stories, like “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet.”) Highly recommended, all in all.

Now to dig up The Omega Man.

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So, guess what opens next week? Possibly one of the most anticipated geek films of the summer. Heck, maybe the ONLY geek film of the summer that isn’t a sequel. But I confess freely: I have no faith in Michael Bay’s directing. None. Nada. Zero. I walked out of The Island declaring I would never see another Michael Bay film as long as I lived. Then this happens, and I have to eat my words. So yes, I’ll go see Transformers. And here’s what I’m expecting:

1. The characters will be idiots. (That’s kind of a given.)
2. The CGI won’t look right. (The scale will change, the green screening will be off, something.)
3. Plot holes so big you could drive a Mack truck. . .oh, wait, that’s kind of funny. Let me rephrase. Plot holes so big someone WILL drive a Mack truck through them. Or the truck will drive itself.
4. At least one scene of manipulative sentimentality involving a small child.
5. Romance shoe-horned into an explosion-filled action story for no good reason.
6. At least one long action sequence lifted wholesale from one of the Star Wars movies. If we’re lucky, it’ll be something like the one where Luke single-handedly blows up an AT-AT. If we’re not, it’ll be the one where Padme has to dodge the widget-making machinery on that planet I can’t remember the name of.
7. One of the beloved characters from the cartoon will be horrifically “re-imagined.” My vote goes to Bumblebee or Starscream. (Ooh, ooh, ooh, I got it. Bumblebee will have to be one of the new VW Beetles, and in a blatant case of product placement he’ll have to be in one of those funky designer colors they’re so fond of.)

I’m clinging to one shred of coolness: Hugo Weaving is the voice of Megatron. So there’s hope. I’m just not holding my breath.

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…but here’s my review of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I’ve been looking forward to this one, and not just because of the amazing previews featuring the spot-on Silver Surfer effects. I really liked the first Fantastic Four movie. It was fun, and didn’t get wrapped up in superhero angst that seems to be the norm these days. (Hey — superheroes who aren’t dysfunctional and tortured? OMG!) I loved the interaction between the four teammates. I really believed they’d known each other for years, they knew how to wind each other up, but they pulled together in a crisis and really worked together as a team — they used their powers in concert as a team. The X-Men films only marginally accomplished that. (Don’t get me wrong — I love the first two X-Men films, but they depended on angst and individuality more than teamwork.)

The new film had everything I liked about the first one, so good show there. And it also managed to do justice to one of the classic storylines in all of comicdom. Here’s the thing: I watch something like Ghost Rider, and I’m not convinced the filmmakers have ever picked up a comic book in their lives, much less the one they’re trying to adapt. With the Fantastic Four, I felt like the filmmakers were living and breathing the source material, that they must have had issues of the comic piled around their offices and studios, not just to get the characters’ poses right, but to get the feel, the colors, the mood, the spirit of the thing right.

They get it. A superhero movie should be more than guys in spandex (or leather) kicking butt. It’s about people confronting the extraordinary. It’s about looking up in the sky and thinking, Wow. The superpowers don’t make someone a hero. It’s what they use their powers for.

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I have to share this. My most recent trip to the movies gave me an unexpected jolt of absurdity: the posters are up for I Am Legend, Will Smith’s new action adventure spree, due out this December. I also caught the trailer. Mostly scenes of a desolate New York City and Will Smith walking with a cute German Shepherd.

I like Will Smith. He obviously has a penchant for science fiction that many actors of his status don’t (I, Robot, Independence Day, Men In Black). But I find myself wondering…why this one? See, it’s already been done, first with Vincent Price in The Last Man on Earth, and again with Charlton Heston, in The Omega Man. The story’s based on the book I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. (My copy, that I picked up at a used bookstore, is actually The Omega Man tie-in edition.)

I’ll confess: I haven’t seen The Last Man on Earth or The Omega Man yet, though I might, just to compare. I have read the book (there’s a switch). And I have a feeling these versions are not very much alike. I also have a feeling Smith’s I Am Legend won’t be much like either of them.

What can I say about the book? It’s supposed to be about vampires, and is considered one of the classic vampires novels, but structurally it looks more like a zombie story — hordes of transformed humans hunt down the living for the purpose of consuming them. But they’re vampires, vulnerable to stakes and sunlight. The book’s important and has stayed important, first because it offers a scientific explanation for vampirism, and because it’s wrapped up in the psychology of the protagonist, Robert Neville, who is trying to survive as the last uninfected human, and is slowly going mad. (I personally found it a bit dated. Published in 1954, it seemed like some of the horror was supposed to come from imagining that the main characters are June and Ward Cleaver.)

Will Smith’s version will probably have more things blowing up than the book did.

I can’t say that I’m looking forward to this the way I’m looking forward to The Golden Compass. I’ll have my academic analysis hat on rather than my squeeing fangirl hat. Either way, it looks like we have another big holiday movie season in the making.

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Just when I was thinking we were about due for a remake (or “reimagining,” as the current trend has it) of this classic, along comes this. That’s right. Apparently there is a new Flash on the way from the Sci Fi Channel. (which means it could be good. . .or not.)

I already have three Flash Gordons in my collection. For some reason, this dashing space hero has always appealed to me. It’s space opera, but through the eyes of the folks next door. He may be a square-jawed icon, and Dale Arden may be beautiful and spunky, but they’re our surrogates in these space-faring adventures.

The 1930s serials starring Buster Crabbe are credited with being one the inspirations for Star Wars — and really, just about every space opera that came after it. It’s all about the rockets with fins. These are so much fun to watch, because each episode is only about ten minutes long — and each one ends on a hideous cliffhanger, so we’ll be sure to come back and pay our nickel at the theater next week to see what happens. So every ten minutes, Flash falls down a chasm, gets blasted by an exploding robot, crashes his space ship, nearly freezes to death on an ice planet. . . you get the idea. Many of these episodes are online at the Internet Archive.

I discovered the 1950s TV version starring Steve Holland in, of all places, the Target dollar bins. This version is fascinating because for one thing, it was filmed in postwar West Berlin. All the extras have German accents. Also, it’s a very 1950s version of the character, with less swashbuckle, and more science. They actually try to explain things from a scientific standpoint as they go along. It’s like the writers were devouring issues of Astounding magazine, which was busy publishing authors like Clarke, Heinlein, and Asimov at the time.

Then there’s the 1980 feature film starring Sam J. Jones as Flash. All camp, all the time. Timothy Dalton in green leather as Prince Barin. Songs by Queen. As embarrassing as it might be to say it, I love this one. It’s just so happy. Come on, you can sing it now… “Flash! Ah-aaaaahhhh! He’ll save everyone of us!”

Will Sci Fi be able to say the same? Stay tuned…

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Here’s a movie rental for you this weekend.

I remember seeing trailers for this in early 2005. It looked amazing. Urban fantasy the way it always looks in my head, and that movies and TV never get quite right. Hollywood versions always look a little too polished, the leather is unscuffed, and everyone looks so pretty.

But these clips looked gritty, depicting a world (Moscow, in reality) that might have been right on the edge of falling into a deep abyss. I couldn’t even tell the story, just images: magicians, shapeshifters (a real shapeshifter, morphing seamlessly into her tiger form thanks to CGI. None of that mutant rubber suit crap), vampires, and terror.

The film advertised a Summer 2005 release, which never happened. I gnashed my teeth.

Finally, early in 2006, the film got a limited art house release, and I made sure to see it. And it lived up to all its potential. The setting is modern urban, but the story is ancient, a battle between dark and light (though not necessarily good and evil), and about how deep the roots of fate really go.

If you like the works of Neil Gaiman (especially the Sandman comics), Night Watch is right up that same alley. It takes myth and folklore and plunks it down in a modern setting, with modern people having to deal with it, mixes in a dash of humor and a whole lot of wonder.

If I haven’t convinced you, see for yourself at the Fox Searchlight website.

There is a sequel to Night Watch: Day Watch, released in Russia last year, which continues the story of the balance between the forces of darkness and light.

The official website has word of a June 1, 2007 U.S. release date. I’m all atwitter. Another summer movie to look forward to!

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I’ve been perusing the “Rumors” category on Sci Fi Wire, and have decided it’s a catalog of wishful thinking. A remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still? A film version of Castlevania? Sam Raimi directing a Doc Savage movie? Jake Gyllenhaal playing Captain Marvel? How utterly freaking cool would that be? But how many of these rumors are ever going to pan out? My cynical guess: not many.

The reality of movie making is that thousands and thousands of films enter the planning and pre-production stages, and never make it out again. Financing falls through, production people lose interest and move on to more enticing projects. Hollywood movies involve thousands of people in a complicated process, and not every good idea makes it out alive, which is too bad.

I love movie rumors. And I hate them. They represent all the great movies we’ll never get to see. An Alien sequel written by William Gibson. Batman villains who never made it on screen. Joss Whedon directing Wonder Woman.

One movie rumor I’ve been following for years: a film version of Watchmen, based on the influential Alan Moore graphic novel that changed the way everyone looks at superheroes. It still has an IMDB listing, which even names Gerard Butler (from 300) as a potential cast member. (Ozymandias maybe?)

But this has also become the ultimate movie rumor for me. Casting rumors, changes in directors, release dates — it’s been going on for probably ten years. I won’t actually believe this movie is being made until I sit down in a darkened theater with my bucket of popcorn and the title comes on screen.

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If you’re like me, you have wonderful memories of lots of films and shows from your childhood that you loved. If you’re smart, you cherish those memories — and never watch those movies again, because you’ll mostly likely be disappointed. Surely the special effects weren’t that bad? And the dialog you remember was so much better!

Then again, sometimes those old favorites stand the test of time amazingly well. I’m happy to report that I love The Last Starfighter just as much as I ever did.

Released in 1984, The Last Starfighter tapped into a huge zeitgeist. This was the peak of the video arcade’s popularity. Games like Asteroids and Space Invaders had become icons, and early generation home systems like the Atari 2600 were taking over the world. So why not offer the video gaming geeks the ultimate fantasy? That innocuous video game is actually a recruitment tool for an interstellar league of fighter pilots. Your high score could win you a trip to space!

It’s a great idea (especially in 1984), and the movie fills that idea out with a solid story and likeable characters. Those are the things that help a movie stand the test of time. The special effects — very early CGI, all shiny surfaces and smooth angles — even hold up. They may not be realistic, but they’re pretty. What the movie really does is let us indulge that old video game fantasy: maybe, just maybe, there really is a battle for justice and freedom going on beyond the stars, and maybe, just maybe, we have a destiny to take part in something larger than an average life.

(And if you’re as much of an SF geek as I am, you can still recite the Starfighter game intro: “Greetings, Starfighter! You have been recruited by the star league…”)

The film lives on:

Sci Fi Channel has The Last Starfighter scheduled for Tuesday night.

In 2004, a musical version was staged Off Broadway. I really want to see this someday.

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I could quibble about details, but that isn’t really why we love the Turtles. There’s two things we love the Turtles for:

• Turtle action
• Turtle humor

The new film has plenty of both. And the animation is tremendous. Dude, the steel bars have weld seams!

The other thing I got a kick out of: time has passed in the Turtle continuity. I’m convinced that they’re now Twenty-something Mutant Ninja Turtles. (Donatello working tech support?) And that’s kinda cute.

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